i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
