; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The air was thick with penises
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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