I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
