sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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