i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
