this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
