I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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