Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
