I wish I could teleport
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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