I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
