Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Randomize
