no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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