My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
