reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
