Cold hands, warm shart.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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