you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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