dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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