C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
