Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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