She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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