The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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