You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
