So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
