i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
