you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
