i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
