Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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