I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
