I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize