I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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