I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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