I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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