Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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