Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
