Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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