I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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