i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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