My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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