He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
