real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
