Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
