Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
