Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
