How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
