life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
