It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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