I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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