I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
