i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
