I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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