Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
