guys are only as good as the porn they watch
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
