Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
