were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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