There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
