I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
