This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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