I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
