That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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