20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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