she was so not down for the gang bang
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
