The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
