um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
