You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
